CONVERSATION WITH…canned foods fearing their expiration dates.

Stopping in a Cafe on the Yellow Brick Road,  I noticed three moms who happened to be a can of peas,  a can of asparagus and a can of black beans. There were at the next table and seemed upset, so I started a conversation…


Excuse me, cans. I don’t mean to butt in, but is everything okay?

ASPARAGUS:  NO! I’m sitting here with a stamp on me that says, “Best by July 15.” That’s so soon! And I had nothing to do with creating that date!  Who the hell has the right to say when I’m at my best?  That’s my individual decision!!

PEAS:  Exactly!  My stamp says, “Enjoy by July 30.”  It’s a mind game!

BLACK BEANS:  I’m gonna die!  I have an actual expiration date!  In two weeks!

ASPARAGUS:  It’s the power of suggestion that’s putting us over the edge.

I totally relate. The power of suggestion overtakes my life, too.  I mean, when someone tells me I’m a good writer, I think I’m a good writer.  And when someone says I’m a bad writer, I think I’m bad.

ASPARAGUS: That’s pretty screwed up.

PEAS:  But it’s the same way we’re feeling.  We’re emotionally trapped and can’t move on.

BLACK BEANS:  I’m claustrophobic to begin with and this is not helping.

To be fair, you know you’re labeled with dates for health reasons.  It’s a legal thing.  It’s not personal.

ASPARAGUS: Yeah but, how are we supposed to live with ourselves?

I have an idea. But you’ll have to relocate.

BLACK BEANS:  Everything’s a compromise.  It never ends.

PEAS: Hit us with it.

You could move to my freezer.

ASPARAGUS: Oh wow!  You would do that for us??

Yeah!  I mean, if you don’t mind hanging out with my low fat ice cream.  I’m trying to find my spark, and seeing you guys  mustering up the strength to put yourselves in a totally new situation will really inspire me.

PEAS: Thanks, but no thanks.  I hate the cold.  It makes my skin hard as a rock. I’m not going.

BLACK BEANS:  I’d miss my can. I don’t know if I could handle being in a flimsy freezer bag.

ASPARAGUS:  Yeah… but… the freezer bag “look” could be awesome.  OMG!  We could go freezer bag shopping!   Snap and seal!  Slider tops!  We’d look fabulous!

PEAS:  And we could see out the front and the back.  I could get into it.

BLACK BEANS:  I hate change.  And think about this!  Would our kids visit us in the freezer?  I don’t think so!!!!!

PEAS: The bottom line is, in the big picture,  we wouldn’t have our expiration dates looming over us anymore.

Right! There are no specific expiration dates on freezer bags. 

PEAS: It’s a more laid back lifestyle. The other problems it creates might fall into place somehow.

ASPARAGUS:  That would be a huge relief.

BLACK BEANS: I’ll consider it.

Well, the invitation is open.  


It looks like the cans of asparagus, black beans and peas made their move. 

cans in freezer.JPG

Congratulations!  You look awesome in freezer bags!  I love your purple and blue slider seals.  It took amazing strength to push yourselves beyond those labels.  And resilience.  And–

BLACK BEANS: Will you close the door?   We’re defrosting.

Oh. Right. Sorry.










2 thoughts on “CONVERSATION WITH…canned foods fearing their expiration dates.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s