CONVERSATION WITH…canned foods fearing their expiration dates.

Stopping in a Cafe on the Yellow Brick Road,  I noticed three moms who happened to be a can of peas,  a can of asparagus and a can of black beans. There were at the next table and seemed upset, so I started a conversation…

cans

Excuse me, cans. I don’t mean to butt in, but is everything okay?

ASPARAGUS:  NO! I’m sitting here with a stamp on me that says, “Best by July 15.” That’s so soon! And I had nothing to do with creating that date!  Who the hell has the right to say when I’m at my best?  That’s my individual decision!!

PEAS:  Exactly!  My stamp says, “Enjoy by July 30.”  It’s a mind game!

BLACK BEANS:  I’m gonna die!  I have an actual expiration date!  In two weeks!

ASPARAGUS:  It’s the power of suggestion that’s putting us over the edge.

I totally relate. The power of suggestion overtakes my life, too.  I mean, when someone tells me I’m a good writer, I think I’m a good writer.  And when someone says I’m a bad writer, I think I’m bad.

ASPARAGUS: That’s pretty screwed up.

PEAS:  But it’s the same way we’re feeling.  We’re emotionally trapped and can’t move on.

BLACK BEANS:  I’m claustrophobic to begin with and this is not helping.

To be fair, you know you’re labeled with dates for health reasons.  It’s a legal thing.  It’s not personal.

ASPARAGUS: Yeah but, how are we supposed to live with ourselves?

I have an idea. But you’ll have to relocate.

BLACK BEANS:  Everything’s a compromise.  It never ends.

PEAS: Hit us with it.

You could move to my freezer.

ASPARAGUS: Oh wow!  You would do that for us??

Yeah!  I mean, if you don’t mind hanging out with my low fat ice cream.  I’m trying to find my spark, and seeing you guys  mustering up the strength to put yourselves in a totally new situation will really inspire me.

PEAS: Thanks, but no thanks.  I hate the cold.  It makes my skin hard as a rock. I’m not going.

BLACK BEANS:  I’d miss my can. I don’t know if I could handle being in a flimsy freezer bag.

ASPARAGUS:  Yeah… but… the freezer bag “look” could be awesome.  OMG!  We could go freezer bag shopping!   Snap and seal!  Slider tops!  We’d look fabulous!

PEAS:  And we could see out the front and the back.  I could get into it.

BLACK BEANS:  I hate change.  And think about this!  Would our kids visit us in the freezer?  I don’t think so!!!!!

PEAS: The bottom line is, in the big picture,  we wouldn’t have our expiration dates looming over us anymore.

Right! There are no specific expiration dates on freezer bags. 

PEAS: It’s a more laid back lifestyle. The other problems it creates might fall into place somehow.

ASPARAGUS:  That would be a huge relief.

BLACK BEANS: I’ll consider it.

Well, the invitation is open.  

CONVERSATION WITH…CANNED FOODS FEARING THEIR EXPIRATION DATES: THE FOLLOWING WEEK

It looks like the cans of asparagus, black beans and peas made their move. 

cans in freezer.JPG

Congratulations!  You look awesome in freezer bags!  I love your purple and blue slider seals.  It took amazing strength to push yourselves beyond those labels.  And resilience.  And–

BLACK BEANS: Will you close the door?   We’re defrosting.

Oh. Right. Sorry.

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