Over the Hill on the Yellow Brick Road, I came to a sign that said, “Hansel and Gretel’s Wicked Witch, This Way!” I followed the sign and anticipated seeing an old witch beside a house made of candy, cake and cookies. Instead, I found an aging witch who looked completely nauseated. She was sitting beside an empty plot of land. What happened to the house made of junk food? I had to ask!
Excuse me witch, what happened to your candy and cookie house? From your story?
WITCH: I ate it.
What? Why????
WITCH: I was lonely. I’m an emotional eater.
Oh. I’m sorry to hear that. I am, too.
WITCH: I feel like I’m gonna throw up.
I realize this is none of my business and my judgment might be off, but do you think eating the whole house at once was a bit too much?
WITCH: Honey, I’ve been eating my houses for years and it never upset my stomach. Every time children don’t stop by my house and I feel frustrated, angry and lonely, I wolf down a house. I wash it down with Coke Zero. Very satisfying.
So where do you live after that?
WITCH: I call The Gingerbread Boy’s mother and ask her to bake me another house. She’s fast and an amazing baker—does a lot more than gingerbread.
I see. So why do you think you’re suddenly feeling nauseated after eating just one house?
WITCH: That’s the million dollar question. I’ve had a lot of tests done—blood tests, fecal tests, an ultrasound, an endoscopy…but so far the doctors haven’t found anything wrong with my stomach. So Why why WHY every time I eat a house does my stomach hurt?
Well, you’re getting older. Like me. Maybe we can’t challenge our stomachs the way we used to. Maybe they just can’t handle being on overload anymore. I know I have to eat six smaller meals every day instead of three big ones.
WITCH: Are you suggesting I eat the first floor in the house for breakfast and the second floor a few hours later?
You could try it. Also—your digestion problem might be stress related.
WITCH: Well, I’ll admit I’m lonelier than I used to be. Children never get lost in the woods anymore. They all have cells phones. So I sit around feeling sorry for myself and eat house after house and house after house–
Maybe you could make your candy and cookie houses easier to digest. Like, the shingle around the house could be made of high fiber cereal. I find that helps my digestion.
WITCH: Really?
Yes! And the doorknobs could made of banana slices. They go down pretty easily. And the shutters might be made of pieces of Ex-Lax. But only eat two at a time.
WITCH: Wait a minute. Let’s think this through. What kid in his or her right mind would stop by and be tempted to eat a house like that?
I don’t know. Maybe you’ll have to change your victims. You could lure older adults with retiring stomachs into your house instead of children.
WITCH: But they won’t fit in my oven. Anyway, I’m not sure older adults will taste as good as children.
I can’t get involved on that level. But I’ll say this much. I think the least you can do is call The Gingerbread Man’s mother and see what kind of house she can bake that’s easier to digest.
WITCH: Nah. This plan isn’t wicked enough.
Okay fine. I tried to help.
WITCH: Hey wait. If I just go on eating candy and cookie houses and I STILL get bad stomach aches, what am I supposed to do about it?
Get a colonoscopy.
WITCH: I’ll see if the Gingerbread Man’s mother can make high fiber cereal shingles right now.
copyrightoverthehillontheyellowbrickroad 2018
____________________________________________________________________________________________
Somehow I don’t think the high fibre shingles will do it for her. I once (in my early “eat right, eat natural” days) baked a birthday cake for the Captain, using whole wheat flour. I might as well have used a glob of wet sawdust. It was awful, but the Captain bravely ate it (so I married him). I like to eat healthy, but I think the high fibre gingerbread house wouldn’t be as tasty for the witch, and we have to keep her happy as she has a job to do.
LikeLiked by 4 people
Solid point about the high fiber cereal. It works for me but definitely not for everyone. Maybe the witch should make the shingles out of prunes instead. A different design concept. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hmm! That would put a new spin on the old fairy tales.
LikeLike
Eating smaller meals every day works for me too!
LikeLiked by 2 people
And we get to eat more often. It’s a win win!
LikeLiked by 1 person
It seems that as I age, more and more body parts are getting finicky. My stomach doesn’t like raw onions anymore, my knees don’t like stairs, my neck never seems to like any position in which I sleep, and my hands can’t handle hours of knitting as in times past. I could go on, but I think you get the idea. And yes, I have to eat high fibre cereal!
LikeLiked by 2 people
Hi Candice, I love your honesty. When it comes to our aging bodies, I guess it is what it is. I eat the high fiber cereal with almond milk.
LikeLiked by 1 person
And I love your stories!
LikeLike
A fun and creative post!!!!! “high fiber cereal shingles”….might be a good idea! 💙
LikeLiked by 2 people
Maybe a dry toast front door would also be a nice touch.
LikeLiked by 1 person
‘This plan isn’t wicked enough.’ LOL! 😁
LikeLiked by 2 people
I know! I tried to help the witch strike a balance between cruelty and good health. It’s really hard! 🙂 A work in progress.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Actually I´m trying the same thing with my mum now. 😉 Her cholesterol is too high and she needs to change her diet, but would that evil witch listen?! 😉 😀 Just kidding – she´s not an evil witch but she sure as hell doesn´t like forgoing all the things she loves to eat and drink and opt for the healthier alternatives. Very like the witch in your tale. 😉 LOL!
LikeLike
Hi Sarah, I have a real life witch in my life, too. She’s miserable most of the time and I have to oversee her care. Believe me, I’m no fairy godmother, but I do my best. Sort of. Your comment made me laugh! 🙂
LikeLiked by 2 people
So glad my comment made you laugh, Cathi – laughing is the best thing there is! 😀 Hope your real with appreciates your efforts more than mine. 😉 Though I did have a small success last weekend – I made her try drinking her coffee with soy milk instead of coffee creamer, she didn´t like it but promised to give it a go. Now I can only hope she doesn´t cheat when I´m not around! 😉
Have a lovely week!
LikeLike
Same to you! And may our wicked witch efforts be recognized.
LikeLiked by 1 person
what a fun post, Cathi — funny & makes me think — the cruelty can also illustrate how tough one must be to survive getting old LOL
LikeLike
Yeah! I didn’t see it from that angle, but it’s true!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hi Cathi
I’ve definitely noticed changes in what and how much I eat. Probably a good thing
Cute story
Laura
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thanks Laura. I miss stuffing myself with food I love, but it’s just not worth the stomach ache that follows.
LikeLike
The last couple of decades of my life have been doggedly devoted to the pursuit of fiber. As long as my fiber intake is sufficient, all is well….
LikeLiked by 2 people
Ha ha! Yes! Long live fiber. Same here. As long as we’re at it, it can be kind of fun creating delicious ways to combine high fiber foods. Who knew we’d ever be doing this?
LikeLiked by 1 person
thank you again for the smiles………….
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m sooooo happy I make you smile! That’s everything!
LikeLiked by 1 person
ahh………thank you, I do enjoy your posts.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Next time you run into her, suggest drinking more water. Works for me. But only water…no batches of potion mixed with water…only straight water. On second thought, don’t bother, she wouldn’t believe you or do what you say anyway. And it’s probably all of her “badness” coming out….that’s what my mom always said would eventually happen to people who did bad things. 🙂
LikeLiked by 2 people
You’re right. This witch deserves a colonoscopy. Several. 🙂
LikeLike
Good point. And a good post!
LikeLiked by 2 people
Aw thank you so much! I’m so glad you enjoyed it. 🙂
LikeLike
I can eat and drink less now. But I can still eat very hot curries 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ah, thank you for sharing that with me. I can eat and drink less now too, but the change seemed to creep up over a short period of time. I guess it’s just a change in our bodies as we age. I’ll have to try some hot curries and see if I can get them down as well. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
🙂
LikeLike
In all things..moderation!
LikeLiked by 2 people
Absolutely! Eat one room at a time. 🙂
LikeLike
Maybe she’s gluten-intolerant. 😮
There’s quite a large selection of yummy building materials…erm…snacks availalble these days! 😉
❤
LikeLiked by 1 person
Great medical point there, Liz. A gluten free house would be a great experiment and might catch on with other witches. We read it here first.
LikeLiked by 1 person
😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
Nice parable. I wish I could help. It struck me your witch could develop a niche for vegan children. Then I realised they would never run away from home.
LikeLiked by 2 people
good one, Rachel 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
I like your idea. Why wouldn’t vegan children run away from home?
LikeLike
Because they couldn’t find a haven with the food they were used to?
LikeLike
Oh! Yeah–you’re right. Smart thinking. We’ll have to come up with a better plan. LOL
LikeLiked by 1 person
It’s amazing what the threat of a colonoscopy can do! That high fiber house suddenly didn’t sound so bad….
LikeLiked by 2 people
I agree!
LikeLike
Will the high fiber stuff taste as good? I have sweet tooth and an emotional eater as well. I just might be that witch 😉 Eating smaller meals sounds good to me.
LikeLiked by 1 person
The high fiber stuff definitely won’t taste as good as cookies and candy, but it might serve a different purpose. Meta Mucil puts out a high fiber cookie. Maybe that’s a good compromise. LOL.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I guess it’s worth a try.
LikeLike
Anything that resembles a cookie is worth a try. 🙂 🙂
LikeLike
Some digestive enzymes might help the witch. She may need to build a gluten-free house, as well.
LikeLiked by 1 person
You’re so right about the digestive enzymes–I know a lot of people who swear by them. And times have changed, so maybe a gluten-free cake and cookie house would be the latest rage. This could be the start of something big. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ah…yes, aging stomachs are a challenge. I find that a probiotic a day helps keep the healthy bacteria in the bay doing good things for my stomach. Yuck…I hate colonoscopies :-(! Great suggestions on healthier options to munch on!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Is there a particular brand of probiotic you like best? If so, I’ll pass the name on to the witch (and will use the info myself while I’m at it). LOL. It’s a weird coincidence that the characters I happen to meet on the Yellow Brick Road have the same issues as I do.
LikeLike
This made me laugh. I have to agree a little more fiber is helpful and a nice balance of fruits and veggies. 🌞💗😊
LikeLiked by 1 person
I love that I made you laugh! And for the witch…as you said, a nice balance of fruits and veggies, and maybe a little prune juice pond in back of the house would help.
LikeLike
You are so creative! I would have to have a gluten free house. 🙂 I was diagnosed with celiac 7 years ago. Was hard in the beginning but have adapted to it now and they have come out with a lot more gluten free options now of things to buy.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I know quite a few people who follow gluten free diets for various reasons and feel so much better. I’m leaning in that direction as well. Maybe we should give The Gingerbread Man’s mother a call and see what she can bake for us. I’d prefer a center hall colonial but beggars can’t be choosy.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Haha! Maybe we should. 🙂
LikeLike
I’m in.
LikeLike
🙂
LikeLike
It’s a drag we get health issues as we get older. My strategy is to pretend it’s not happening!
LikeLiked by 1 person
That’s the smartest strategy I’ve heard in a long time. 🙂 I’ll have to try that!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hahahaha! Boy can I relate to this. I thinks I need some high fiber shingles as well!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ha ha! Join the club. I’m imagining a prune juice fountain might be nice in front of the house as well.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hahaha! Love it!
LikeLike
LOL
LikeLike
I did this some years ago – ask my Gingerbread Boy’s mother to bake something more easily digestive and since then I’ve ben having buckwheat grits for breakfast, lunch and supper every day. Did it make me any happier? No, but leaner. And that’s a good thing too.
LikeLike
Yup! I’ve lost a few pounds this summer too. It’s amazing how it can change your outlook and make you feel better if you felt you were carrying around too much weight.
LikeLike
Cathi – How did you know that I ate too much apple pie and ice-cream last night?! You are a mind reader!
Awesome post (as usual)!
LikeLike
Well, I certainly have spent my share of days sitting on a chair in front of the open refrigerator with a fork in my hand. You’re not alone. 🙂
LikeLike
This made me laugh…I love your witty writing. And how you make parallels to real life.
LikeLike
I love that this made you laugh!
LikeLike
Love this post. It is a humorous way to tackle a serious issue. My 92-year old grandma was staying with me and wasn’t taking her stool softener and I thought we were going to the emergency room. Luckily we got it under control. I have had to change my eating habits due to some allergies. I think that as our bodies change (from puberty on) what we can and cannot eat changes. Thanks for sharing this post. It is a great one. -Jill
LikeLike
I agree! I also find a well balanced diet helps my stomach. It’s hard for me to keep that up because I love to fill myself with cookies, cake, bread and lots of cheese (instead of yogurt and salad, lol). Just as important, I’m always happier when I’m drinking water instead of Coke Zero–but Coke Zero is SO GOOD!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I know! Cheese and potato chips are some of my favorites. It doesn’t help that I can’t stand the taste kale. Love reading your blog.
LikeLike
I love your blog too.
LikeLiked by 1 person