CONVERSATION WITH…a blown out birthday candle

Continuing my journey over the hill on the Yellow Brick Road, one evening I arrived in the Land of the Blown Out Birthday Candles.  I wandered over to one who was only about an inch tall.  She looked as if she was in deep thought.

one eyeball candle


 Hey Candle, mind if I ask what you’re thinking about?

CANDLE: I’m trying to figure out my ridiculous life at the moment.

Me too. What’s your issue?

CANDLE: I was at the top of my game.  In all my glory.  And then, in a split second, I was useless.

Woah, that’s traumatic.  What happened?

CANDLE: Well…to make a long story short, I was put on top of an amazing birthday cake.  I was surrounded by buttercream, icing, roses, the works. And I was right in the center of the cake!  Happy people surrounded me!  They were singing!  Someone lit my flame, and actually made a wish on me!  The peak of my career!  My greatest moment!!


CANDLE: And then I was blown out. Kaput.  Now no one cares what happens to me.   Life can be so puzzling and cruel.

I’m with ya.

CANDLE: So, what are you doing here?

I’m trying to find my spark.  You know, the light that inspires me.

CANDLE: Me too! That’s my next move. The weird thing is, even though I’m older and shrinking, my flame is as strong and high as any full blown candle!  Here I am with my younger, blue boyfriend.  Check us out!

two eyeball candlesAwesome!

CANDLE: Yeah! I mean, age doesn’t seem to change the intensity of our light.

It’s interesting you should say that, because as I get older, I think the light inside me is weaker.  I don’t have the same forceful, inner glow I used to.

CANDLE: Nah.  I think we just have to re-channel what’s driving us.  I think that’s what changes over time, not the size of our flames.

Yeah but, the process can be tough. I mean, I used to love wearing high heels.  I loved buying eccentric shoes.  Now high heels really hurt my feet, so I don’t buy them anymore. Stuff like that just feels sad.  Like it’s the end of an era.

CANDLE: Yeah. That’s tough for humans. I’m glad I’m a candle.

Consider yourself lucky.

CANDLE: But I have my problems.  Like, it’s painful and terrifying to admit, but I’m only about an inch tall so I don’t think I have a lot of time left.  I’d like to mean something to someone as long as I can.

Yeah, I get what you’re saying.  So, how about if we take a selfie?  I stink at taking pictures.  But if we take the selfie, every time I look at it I’ll be reminded of the ongoing, strong light in all of us, as long as we’re lucky enough to be here.

CANDLE: I’m in.  Take the selfie.  I hope I won’t look fat.  Anytime you’re ready.

candle selfie

CANDLE: You’re right. You do stink at taking pictures.

But I captured the essence.



Following up:  I stayed with the candle until her flame flickered and was no more. But at the moment her flame disappeared, I noticed a graceful stream of smoke escaping from her wick and dispersing in the air. So the candle is still with us.  Her flame has just taken a different form in the mysterious universe.

candle stream



While passing through a forest near the Yellow Brick Road, I heard a tree whimpering.  I stopped by.

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Hey Tree, are you okay?  

TREE:  Not really. It’s my 500th birthday…which isn’t completely weird for a tree of my type.

Then what’s the matter?

TREE:  I’m freaking out over the number.  I mean, I had no problem turning three hundred. Four hundred bothered me a little.  But five hundred! I’m pretty paralyzed by the whole thing.

Everybody tells me not to obsess with the numbers.

TREE:  It’s more than that.  I feel different.  More fragile.  And I hate the way I look.

I think there’s something stunning and sensual about your starkness.

TREE: Really? Thank you.

But I know what you mean about feeling very, very fragile. I’m the same way. Whenever something needs to heal in my body these days, it takes longer.

TREE:  Right. And the bark on my trunk is starting to fall off.   And I have root damage so I lean to one side.

My teeth have root damage. 

TREE:  I’m sorry to hear that. But I’m most worried about what’s gonna happen in the winter.  If there’s a huge icicle hanging from me, I could break a twig!   And in the spring, I won’t be able to hold birds’ nests and squirrels bouncing all over my branches anymore. I could break a whole branch.

I hear ya.

TREE:  And what if a mole digs too deep near my bad roots? I’ll fall!  I’m just  can’t be the nurturing mother to all those who depend on me anymore.

I try to modify it.  Sometimes I tell people about my aches and pains so I won’t have to push myself too far and get hurt. 

TREE: That’s an idea. I can tell the birds to go to another tree if I feel like I can’t handle them. But that also depresses me. I feel like I’m not as much part of the world as I used to be.

Yeah, I think that’s the hardest part of all this.

TREE: On the other hand, maybe there’s some good that comes from this sadness.

How do you see that?

TREE: Well, there are lots of  other older trees here in the forest.  We go way back.


TREE: So if aging is a natural part of life, at least I have other old trees to share the experience with.  I mean, if we’re all going to grow older, there’s something beautiful and touching about others doing it with us.  Think about how lonely it would be to grow old all alone….while everyone else was young.

I’m touched.  

TREE:  But I’m still anxious.

Actually, I just thought  of a way you could still feel part of the world. Would you consider going into the wish business?

TREE: What are you talking about?

 I’ve seen trees around the world that try to help grant wishes.  Like, banyan trees are into it.

TREE:  I know a banyan in Hawaii.  How does it work?

Well, a person stands by a tree and makes a wish or hopes for something. Then the person ties a colorful strip of cloth on the tree’s branch, and that cloth stands for the wish.  Lots of other people come around and do the same thing till the tree is filled with awesome, colorful cloths.

TREE:  Wow.

And the cloths are lightweight.

TREE:  Ya know, I like that.  I’m gonna try it.  Instead of carrying birds and squirrels, I’ll carry wishes and hopes. Here I go… 

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© overthehillontheyellowbrickroad2017 


CONVERSATION WITH…canned foods fearing their expiration dates.

Stopping in a Cafe on the Yellow Brick Road,  I noticed three moms who happened to be a can of peas,  a can of asparagus and a can of black beans. There were at the next table and seemed upset, so I started a conversation…


Excuse me, cans. I don’t mean to butt in, but is everything okay?

ASPARAGUS:  NO! I’m sitting here with a stamp on me that says, “Best by July 15.” That’s so soon! And I had nothing to do with creating that date!  Who the hell has the right to say when I’m at my best?  That’s my individual decision!!

PEAS:  Exactly!  My stamp says, “Enjoy by July 30.”  It’s a mind game!

BLACK BEANS:  I’m gonna die!  I have an actual expiration date!  In two weeks!

ASPARAGUS:  It’s the power of suggestion that’s putting us over the edge.

I totally relate. The power of suggestion overtakes my life, too.  I mean, when someone tells me I’m a good writer, I think I’m a good writer.  And when someone says I’m a bad writer, I think I’m bad.

ASPARAGUS: That’s pretty screwed up.

PEAS:  But it’s the same way we’re feeling.  We’re emotionally trapped and can’t move on.

BLACK BEANS:  I’m claustrophobic to begin with and this is not helping.

To be fair, you know you’re labeled with dates for health reasons.  It’s a legal thing.  It’s not personal.

ASPARAGUS: Yeah but, how are we supposed to live with ourselves?

I have an idea. But you’ll have to relocate.

BLACK BEANS:  Everything’s a compromise.  It never ends.

PEAS: Hit us with it.

You could move to my freezer.

ASPARAGUS: Oh wow!  You would do that for us??

Yeah!  I mean, if you don’t mind hanging out with my low fat ice cream.  I’m trying to find my spark, and seeing you guys  mustering up the strength to put yourselves in a totally new situation will really inspire me.

PEAS: Thanks, but no thanks.  I hate the cold.  It makes my skin hard as a rock. I’m not going.

BLACK BEANS:  I’d miss my can. I don’t know if I could handle being in a flimsy freezer bag.

ASPARAGUS:  Yeah… but… the freezer bag “look” could be awesome.  OMG!  We could go freezer bag shopping!   Snap and seal!  Slider tops!  We’d look fabulous!

PEAS:  And we could see out the front and the back.  I could get into it.

BLACK BEANS:  I hate change.  And think about this!  Would our kids visit us in the freezer?  I don’t think so!!!!!

PEAS: The bottom line is, in the big picture,  we wouldn’t have our expiration dates looming over us anymore.

Right! There are no specific expiration dates on freezer bags. 

PEAS: It’s a more laid back lifestyle. The other problems it creates might fall into place somehow.

ASPARAGUS:  That would be a huge relief.

BLACK BEANS: I’ll consider it.

Well, the invitation is open.  


It looks like the cans of asparagus, black beans and peas made their move. 

cans in freezer.JPG

Congratulations!  You look awesome in freezer bags!  I love your purple and blue slider seals.  It took amazing strength to push yourselves beyond those labels.  And resilience.  And–

BLACK BEANS: Will you close the door?   We’re defrosting.

Oh. Right. Sorry.










CONVERSATION WITH…THE WICKED WITCH OF THE WEST…Her New Year’s Resolution: Letting go of her water phobia later in life.

This is an older post, but I feel we can all benefit from the witch’s words. At the very least, she’s entitled to speak her peace as 2018 begins,  Here goes…

On sunny days, the Wicked Witch of the West is seen a lot here on the Yellow Brick Road.  She has a neurotic side.  It’s obvious she has severe water pobia, but she’s not completely crazy.  If water splashes on her, she’ll melt.  Here, as a new year begins, she agrees to talk to me about her efforts to finally let go of her lifelong fear.

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Wicked Witch, what’s inspiring you to try to end your fear of water after all these years?

WW:  Fear of being touched by water has prevented me from experiencing so much in life!  It’s strangling me! I finally want to be free of it!!!!  It’s time!

Yeah!  Water avoidance must make your life a total wreck!

WW:  To sum it up,  I can’t take showers or baths, can’t go swimming, can’t go to the beach. When I cook, I can’t spill water on myself or wash the dishes, so I always pick up take-out. And the obvious one, I can’t go out in the rain.

I definitely understand your feelings.  I’m phobic too. I can’t stand being in elevators, planes, tunnels, total darkness…to name a few.  And I can’t stand getting MRI’s.

WW: That’s the only reason I agreed to talk to you.

Thank you.  But in your case, you have a real reason for being water phobic.  You could die if it touches you.  Has something extreme happened in your life recently that has changed your perspective and made you less afraid?

WW:  Here’s the thing. My sister died.  You know, she was just walking around Oz, minding her own business, when a house came down from the sky, dropped on top of her, and killed her. That blew my mind, and now I see we’re all out of control in the universe and never know what the next moment will bring.  Why not take chances?

So how are you gonna change?

WW:  I’m going out in the rain.

Wow! But if water splashes on you, you’re still as likely to melt as you were before.

WW: That’s why I’ll wear a wet suit, scuba mask, flippers, a rain slicker, a rain hat, rubber gloves, and carry an umbrella.

I see you’re taking it in small steps.

WW:  Exactly.

Well, I admire your courage and I wish you the best of luck in the new year.  Also I appreciate that you haven’t ordered winged monkeys to tear me apart.

WW: The day isn’t over.


What are you willing to let go of in the new year?



CONVERSATION WITH…A Mom Grape Struggling To Let Her Millennial Daughter Go… Part 1

Here on the Yellow Brick Road, I  met up with a mom grape who doesn’t know where she fits in her daughter’s life anymore.  They both took time out from cleaning their house to chat.

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MOM GRAPE:  Just to clarify. In the photo, my daughter is the bright green, vibrant grape on the right, and I’m the shriveling one that’s losing her color, on the left.

DAUGHTER GRAPE: Mom, I don’t see you that way. When I look at you, I see my really sweet mom.  All my friends always say, “I love your mom. She’s the sweetest.”  It’s so true.

MOM GRAPE: Aaah.  How do you think of such sweet things to say?

DAUGHTER GRAPE:  I’m a grape.

So Mom Grape, is your appearance the reason you don’t know where you fit in your daughter’s life?

MOM GRAPE:  It goes deeper.  When I look at my daughter I say to myself, “I used to be just like her. I was that grape. I knew her.”  Now I’m just someone in her shadow.

I know how that can be.  I go through that with my daughter.  Do you feel that way all the time?

MOM GRAPE: More so when my daughter and I go to a store.  The cashier always pays attention to her and I’m just in the background. Or when other fruits whistle at my daughter, I don’t exist.

DAUGHTER GRAPE:  Mom, the whistling is so annoying.

MOM GRAPE:  Yeah. But I still want to be invited to the party. I guess I should remind myself it doesn’t matter because I have the most charming, resourceful, talented, creative, fun loving daughter, and I’m so lucky to have her in my life.

DAUGHTER:  Mom. That’s the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me.

MOM GRAPE:  I forgot to say you’re smart, too.

So is there any other reason you feel you don’t fit in your daughter’s life?

MOM GRAPE: Yeah. She’s moving away.

What?? Where?

MOM GRAPE:  To a vineyard where the weather’s always warm and sunny. I don’t know how we’re going to see each other as often as we do now. But it’s her dream, so I’m happy for her. And I’m going to help her move there.

That’s very sweet of you.  When you get to the vineyard, do you mind if I stop by to see how you’re getting along?

MOM GRAPE: Sure.  Come on down.


On the Yellow Brick Road, I’m here following up in a sunny, hot vineyard with mom grape and her daughter.  How are you guys doing?

DAUGHTER GRAPE:  Mom got a little too much sun.


Mom grape? Care to comment?

MOM GRAPE:  I’ll say this much.  I’m happy my daughter feels like it’s a fit down here in the vineyard and she enjoying her life and she found her place in the world. And I’ll always be there for her if she texts or calls and I’ll visit as often as I can.

DAUGHTER:  Mom, you’re the sweetest you’ve ever been. No wonder you’re a raisin.

MOM GRAPE: Well, you know what they always say.  When you grow older, your strongest personality traits stand out.  But I don’t want to be overwhelmingly nice and pleasant.  What should I do when you’re not calling or texting or I’m not visiting?

DAUGHTER GRAPE:  Follow your sweetness.  No matter how old you get or what you look like, it’s what we all see.

CopyrightOverthehillontheyellowbrickroad 2017

CONVERSATION WITH…A Wrinkled Water Bottle Who Still Hopes To Be Pretty

Traveling down the Yellow Brick Road, I met up with an empty plastic water bottle sitting on a shelf.  She’s self-conscious about her wrinkles. She doesn’t want to go with cosmetic surgery but has another innovative idea. She chats about it with me here.

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So, you’ve been a clear, plastic water bottle for a while.  Why are you obsessed with wrinkles now?

BOTTLE: Because they’ve become more prominent. When I was full of water, I never had time to look in the mirror. I was working for a marathon runner.  He was like a son to me.  He drank all the water from me non-stop.

Great metaphor.  And now?

BOTTLE:  Now I don’t have water inside me.  So I looked in the mirror the other day.   And OMG! The wrinkles are so noticeable!  They’re all over the place!

To me, your wrinkles are round and cyclical.  They’re not so bad.  Do you really want to have a  complete makeover?

BOTTLE:  Here’s the problem.  If you look around, so many water bottles don’t have wrinkles.  I don’t know if it’s genetic and they just have amazing plastic or they’ve had work done. Look at them:

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BOTTLE: When I stand next to these bottles without wrinkles, I look so much older even though we’re the same age.  And this is happening more and more.

It’s an issue with people, too.

BOTTLE: Are you serious?

It’s a problem with wrinkles and hair color.  You know, I started coloring my hair when I saw too much gray. But then, I looked around on the train when I was going to work and noticed NOBODY had gray hair!  Especially women!

BOTTLE: Thank the Lord I don’t have to deal with hair, too.  That would put me over the edge.

Yes, as a water bottle, you’re fortunate. So, are you thinking of having work done to minimize your wrinkles?

BOTTLE: No.  I have friends who swear by it, but it’s not for me.  I can’t get myself to do elective surgery. But, I still want to look pretty.

Then what’s another option?

BOTTLE: Tattoos.


BOTTLE:  Well, for me. There are some tattoos that are really pretty. And I’m going capless.  And accessorizing with flowers. And tinting my contacts and my water color.

So it sounds like you’re blending trendy looks with more classic styles.

BOTTLE: Definitely. I think you have to be willing to experiment with “out there,” creative combinations so you can come up with a style that’s right for you.

Thanks for sharing that innovative point of view. Do you mind if I come back later to see how you’re doing?

BOTTLE: Anytime.


I’m back with the wrinkled water bottle who’s about to show us there’s more than one way to look graceful and awesome when we’re older. Bottle, can you tell us about your makeover strategy?

BOTTLE:  Love to.

First, let’s take a look…


Wow! Details?

BOTTLE: I went with a vase-tattoo look.  You’ll notice my tattoo covers some of my wrinkles. The flowers and stems also lead your eye away from the wrinkles. I tinted my water light pink as another distraction. And to bring all the colors together, I got green contact lenses.  I’m still getting used to them.

You look really pretty. By any chance, would you be interested in sitting near the window in my house?

BOTTLE: I’d love to come!  You’re really inviting me to do that?

Absolutely!  Your creative spirit is inspiring!

BOTTLE:  Oh thank you. Now I just have to watch out for bees.

It’s always something.



CONVERSATION WITH…The Cow Who Jumped over the Moon…Dreaming of Overcoming Her Overactive Bladder

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Recently, I met up with a highly successful athlete and super mom, The Cow Who Jumped over the Moon.   She was coming in for a landing on the Yellow Brick Road and was kind enough to chat.

Cow, it’s a real privilege meeting you.

COW:  Oh thank you.

So, you’ve definitely made your mark.  I mean, every night, jumping from your barn all the way over the moon and back to your barn has inspired cows throughout the world. What does it take to keep this up every night?

COW:  An overly ridiculous amount of drive.

I hear ya. But I have to admit,  I’ve heard rumors that after a very long career, you have an age- related issue that might bring your moon jumping days to an end. What’s going on?

COW:  Can I be frank?

Of course.

COW:  After giving birth and years of wear and tear, I find I need to pee all the time. Holding it in during my jump around the moon and back has become unbearable.

You’re not alone with that problem. But if you stop jumping over the moon, it will be the end of an era!

COW:  I know! And I don’t want to stop!  My work defines me.

I feel your pain. My work defines me, too.  But in your case, do you think this might be an opportunity to reflect on where you’ve been in your life and where you’re going? 

COW:  OMG. That sounds so depressing.

I’m just saying, you seem to be pretty intense and focused. Maybe let the lighter side of yourself come out and see where it takes you?

COW:  You mean, redirect my Type A personality toward something that makes me less crazy?

Something like that.

COW:  Hmmm…Well…I suppose at this point in my life, when I jump over the moon, I don’t have to land directly in my barn right away.  I mean, what’s my rush? My calf is a teen and doesn’t want me around all the time.  If I have to pee, I can crash land someplace else on the way home.

You mean, like, randomly crash land in Italy?

Why not?  I could find a Ladies Room there. Have a nice pasta dinner.  And if I’ve had too much wine to jump back the rest of the way to my barn, I’ll take a train or a bus home.

Awesome idea!  Every night you could crash land in a different city.  

COW:  I’ve always wanted to see Pittsburgh.

And any time you need to make an emergency landing, you can always stop at my house.

COW:  Really?  You would do that for me??

Of course!  Your  passion to see the world will inspire me to move my rear out the door.  I think you should go for it!

COW: Easy for you to say.

I know.  I won’t even get on a plane.

COW: But I think I will try the crash landing gig.   I just hope all those landings don’t mess up my knees.

The world will be watching.

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As the cow considers crash landing near restrooms around the world, please share your travel tips or recommended destinations.


CONVERSATION WITH…a dandelion freaking out about turning gray (Part 1)


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Traveling beside a flower garden on the Yellow Brick Road, I noticed a dandelion in emotional pain.

Excuse me, Dandelion… I know we’ve never met and this might be none of my business, but…. can I help you?

DANDELION:  I don’t know what to do with myself!  The best days of my life are over!

Why do you say that?

DANDELION: Look at me.  I’m gray. I look like a walking rat’s nest.  And look at the rest of the flowers around me.  Pink, orange, purple, blue, and they all have their petals. Why is this happening to ME? Why am I the one who has to go through this?  I feel so alone.

I’m not an expert, but there might be a bigger picture that you can’t see.

DANDELION:  I doubt it.  It feels like everything’s against me. Even the freakin’ wind.   It keeps blowing my gray strands all over the lawn.

Maybe you just have to ride with the universe and see what happens. Maybe you have a different rhythm than the other flowers.

DANDELION:  You’re not helping.

Seriously, I understand your thing about being gray.  I color my hair.  But I believe there are periods of darkness we have to plow through, and eventually there’s an end to them. It seems like it’s part of some kind of balance in the universe.

DANDELION:  I’ll say one thing. If there’s some kind of end to my despair and loneliness, it will be a miracle.

Do you mind if I come back in a while and see how you’re doing?

DANDELION:  Your choice.

CONVERSATION WITH…a Dandelion turning gray     Part 2



I’m back with the Dandelion who’s gray.

DANDELION: Now I’m bald.  But I have to admit, my loneliness ended.  I never thought it would happen.

Awesome!!!  What’s been going on??

DANDELION: This is gonna sound completely weird. But…when the wind blew my gray strands all over the lawn, they settled under the ground. Then they grew and came up.  So now I have children. Look at all my beautiful kids!


DANDELION: It’s a miracle.


CONVERSATION WITH… a squirrel struggling with her “new normal.”

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Traveling past a park on the Yellow Brick Road, I saw a squirrel scampering around who looked completely confused.  I rushed over.

Hey Squirrel,  are you lost?  Do you need directions?

SQUIRREL: No.  I need food. I’m so hungry.

So why not get something to eat?

SQUIRREL: I can’t. I buried my acorns under the ground, and I can’t remember where I put them.

Ooooh.  In a weird way, I can relate. When I park my car at the mall, when I come out, sometimes I can’t remember where I left it.


So every time I park, I have to make a mental note of where I am.  And if I’m somewhere new, I actually write down the name of the street and cross street.

SQUIRREL: No offense, but I don’t think that’s a fair comparison.  I mean, you just have to find your car.  I can starve to death.  I’m really scared.

Can you make a trail of footprints or pebbles that lead to where you buried your acorns?

SQUIRREL:  That makes me nervous. What if I forget where I made the trail?

How about if you ask someone to remind you where you buried the acorns?

SQUIRREL: Then I’d have to ask for help!  My kids have their own lives!  I don’t want to bother them with this!  It’s humiliating.   I can’t face it! I’m an independent squirrel.  Always have been.

I guess you don’t want to do anything about it?

SQUIRREL:  My therapist says this is my “new normal” and I need to deal with my body differently because I’m older.

I’m going through that with my therapist, too. Here’s my“new normal.”  I try really hard to eat healthy foods and stay at a reasonable weight.  But every time I eat the slightest thing that’s junky, I put on weight.  I never used to be that way.  I guess it is what it is.

SQUIRREL:  That’s tough.

It is what it is.

SQUIRREL:  You said that already.

Oh yeah.  I forgot.

SQUIRREL: At least I remembered something.



CONVERSATION WITH…The Wicked Queen’s Magic Mirror…losing her niche but can’t change who she is.

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While stopping in a port-a-potty along the Yellow Brick Road, I met up with the Wicked Queen’s Magic Mirror from the classic fairy tale “Snow White.”  I was surprised to see her hanging on the wall there, so I asked to be sure I had the right mirror.

Uh, excuse me, but you look familiar.

MIRROR:  You got it.  I’m “the” Mirror.

So, what are you doing here in a port-a-potty in Oz?  Why aren’t you hanging in the Wicked Queen’s Castle?

MIRROR:  Sigh. Here’s the deal.  Ever since Snow White’s stepmother, the Wicked Queen, sold me in an estate sale, I can’t keep a job.  I keep getting fired.

That sucks. Why do you think that’s happening?

MIRROR:  Because my bosses say, “You have no tact. You don’t know  when to shut your mouth.” But that’s my niche!

You mean like, when the Wicked Queen said, “Mirror, mirror on the wall, who in this land is the fairest all?” You said, “Snow White.” 

MIRROR:  Exactly.  Every time! I tell it like it is! I’ve always been outspoken, but the world has changed.  Now everybody’s worried about being politically correct. I can’t connect.

What ‘s gone wrong at your recent jobs?

MIRROR:  The first job I got after the estate sale was in a mall.  I was working in a dressing room in a clothing store. So a girl came into the room and didn’t look right in pants she was trying on. She was gonna buy them, when I said, “Nope. They make your butt look enorm-o.” So I got fired.


MIRROR:  Then I got a job in a hotel elevator. Same problem.  If someone got in and I thought they could look better, I’d say, “You’re going out like that?” Again, I’m fired. Out the door.

Might it be possible to be just a tad more diplomatic?

MIRROR:  I honestly don’t think I can change at this point in my existence.  But I can’t afford to stop working.

Well here’s a twist. To be honest, I’d appreciate a mirror who can tell me the truth because I need motivation.  I avoid mirrors when I’m not feeling good about myself.  I get this underlying depressed feeling.  And then, I don’t take care of myself. I’d welcome a kick in the rear.  

MIRROR:  Really?  You would let me hang in your house??

Definitely!   I’m trying to find my spark, and you’d force me to really look at myself.  So, are you up for hanging in my hallway?

MIRROR:  I’d love to.  I could even start right now.  You need a hair trim.  You’re too old to be walking around with hair that long.  And stand up straight!  You slouch! You’re gonna get osteoporosis! And…