Conversation with…A tattered flag…begging to stand for something new.

August 10, 2018August 10, 2018 / overthehillontheyellowbrickroad / 75 Comments

Over the Hill on the Yellow Brick Road, I noticed an old, tattered flag on the ground. It was just what I needed in my life so I rushed over!

Hey flag! I see you’ve been through a lot. Me too!

TATTERED FLAG: Don’t judge me. I know I look saggy on the outside, but I don’t feel that way on the inside. I’ve got a lot inside that wants to come out, but who’s gonna take an old, torn flag seriously?

I will! This could be the start of something big!

TATTERED FLAG: What are you talking about?

Here’s the thing. All my life, I’ve been kinda quirky, and I’ve always put myself down for it. I’ve called myself, “fearful” or “neurotic” or “weird.”

TATTERED FLAG: So?

So for better or worse, at this point in my life since I don’t think I’m going to become a completely different person, why not stand up for my quirky self and be proud of it?

TATTERED FLAG: What do you do that’s quirky?

Well, I don’t like elevators because I’m super claustrophobic. Whenever I enter a building, the first thing I look for is the staircase. I always apologize for myself and then take the stairs.

TATTERED FLAG: Is that all?

No. I have a panic button that can go off at any moment. Like, if I’m in an office building and the fire alarm gongs, while others are standing around assuming it’s a mistake, I’ve already raced out the door and run five blocks away.

TATTERED FLAG: Anything else?

Sure. Even though I’ve traveled in a plane lots of times, flying always makes me insanely nervous. So I’ve done most of my world traveling on youtube.

TATTERED FLAG: I’m guessing there’s more.

Of course. When I’m at home and open a new container of cottage cheese or milk and use a little bit, I’m afraid I’ll forget I’ve opened the container. I’m afraid the next time I want to use the milk or cottage cheese, I’ll worry I bought an opened container and someone poisoned my food. So for peace of mind, every time I open a new container, I write, “OK” on it. That way, I’m sure it hasn’t been poisoned. And then other times I–

TATTERED FLAG: That’s enough. What does all this have to do with me?

Well, in my older age, I’m thinking, “Maybe I won’t apologize for my offbeat behavior anymore. Instead, I’ll embrace it and FLY MY FREAK FLAG.”

TATTERED FLAG: And…I’m the freak flag?

Obviously. I’d wave you proudly as I write “OK” on my containers. If I’m taking a train to visit my daughter who lives 3,000 miles away, you’ll be furling in my hand. The next time I’m faced with an elevator, I’ll hold you up high as I’m taking the stairs. After all these years, I will accept the person I am and wave my freak flag in all my glory.

TATTERED FLAG: Whatever. I’m in. But right now I’m just a ragged flag that looks like it’s been through the wash too many times. How can I become a freak flag?

Easy. Just add more eyeballs.

TATTERED FLAG: I’m embarrassed I didn’t think of that myself.

Don’t give it a second thought. Welcome to my world.

Copyrightoverthehillontheyellowbrickroad2018

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Do you fly a freak flag? Care to share?

Conversation With…A Wise, Older Butt…Enjoying looking back with wisdom and perspective

June 26, 2018June 29, 2018 / overthehillontheyellowbrickroad / 85 Comments

Over the Hill on the Yellow Brick Road, I noticed an older butt bopping happily down an endless, winding path. It seemed perfectly content with the world, so I ran to catch up with it and find out why.

butt 2

Excuse me, butt. Mind if I walk with you?

BUTT: Not at all. It’s a beautiful day for a walk. Actually, so is every day.

You know, I couldn’t help noticing, even though you’re older, you have such a happy way about you.

BUTT: Of course I do. As a butt, I was born to grow older.

Why do you say that?

BUTT: Well, I think I can speak for all butts when I say we’re always the last part of the body to get where we’re going. So, as a butt, I love looking back on where I’ve been and what I’m leaving behind. I love the perspective and wisdom it brings. Every day, as I grow a day older, I have more to look back on and ponder.

I see. I guess I could look at the world that way, too. I mean, I have a butt.

BUTT: Clearly you haven’t had a conversation with it.

Not to date.

BUTT: I think the best part of being a butt is, you can look back on a situation or event in your life, leave it behind, and watch what it’s like as it continues to go on without you.

What’s great about that?

BUTT: It gives you closure. So you can move on with your life. To your next adventure.

I’m not sure what you mean.

BUTT: Well, for example, I guess you could relate it to being an empty nester. You can look back and watch your kids enjoying their lives even though you’re not there with them all the time. You can see how happy they are. Maybe that will bring you peace.

No. I don’t want my kids to be happy without me.

BUTT: Okay then, here’s another advantage. Looking behind, watching a moment that has passed, helps you draw upon inner strength.

How?

BUTT: If you’re having a problem, you can look back on another, similar problem you’ve had in your life and watch the way you handled it and made it through.

True. I mean, like, during my lifetime, I’ve been in situations where my mind said it wanted to do one thing… but my body did another.

BUTT: Like when?

I had infertility issues. My mind wanted to have a child, but the rest of my body would not. Another time when I had headaches, my mind wanted them to stop but my head would not. And another time, when I had tinnitus, my head wanted the noise in my ears to stop, but my ears weren’t up for it.

BUTT: See? And I assume you got through all that stuff.

Yes. And now, my stomach is giving me trouble. My head wants my body to be all right, but my stomach’s not having it. And–

BUTT: Okay, okay. You don’t have to tell me everything. I’m not that interested.

I’m just saying, looking back on situations I’ve made it through helps me remember what I’m capable of.

BUTT: That has been my point all along.

Well, thank you for your help.

BUTT: And I want to thank YOU. During our entire conversation, you haven’t made one butt joke. I appreciate it. Those jokes are so annoying.

I know. They’re AS-inine.

BUTT: Are you proud of yourself now?

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That ended our conversation. The butt waddled down the path, while I looked for a place to rest. But this time, I looked for a spot to sit that was exceptionally comfortable.

Copyrightoverthehillontheyellowbrickroad2018

How do YOU create closure so you can move on?

CONVERSATION WITH…MY OLDEST DOLL…Because I Still Love to Play

January 20, 2018January 21, 2018 / overthehillontheyellowbrickroad / 92 Comments

Over the Hill on the Yellow Brick Road, I couldn’t believe it! My oldest childhood doll, Chatty Cathy, was waddling toward me! I rushed over and gave her the biggest hug!

Chatty Cathy! What are you doing here?

CHATTY CATHY DOLL: I heard you were visiting these parts and I had to see you!

OMG! You look great!

CHATTY CATHY DOLL: Well, I’d look better if you hadn’t given me a bad haircut back when you were a little girl. I still don’t appreciate the bald spot in the back of my head.

I’m so sorry. My sister and I were playing barber.

CHATTY CATHY DOLL: I guess you felt you had to wash my hair with Ajax, too?

It probably didn’t help the texture.

CHATTY CATHY DOLL: But I loved you anyway! You were the best little girl! We had the silliest imaginary tea parties! And the craziest times playing house! And I loved when you shoved me on the make believe school bus with all the rest of the dolls and your sister pushed us all around the room in a giant chair.

Yeah, you just went around and around and around the room and never made it to school.

CHATTY CATHY DOLL: Good times!

Yes, they were. And I’ll let you in on a secret. I’m still a little girl. I still love to play and play and play and play. It’s just harder to find someone to play with as I get older.

CHATTY CATHY: I’ll play with you!

You will?? I would love that! What should we play? I mean, I’m not into having an imaginary tea party or playing house anymore. How can we play with each other now that we’re both older? What can we play?

CHATTY CATHY: Hmmm…I’m not sure. I should tell you the “talking ring” on the back of my neck doesn’t work anymore. When you pull it out, the spring is broken so it just snaps back.

It doesn’t matter, I don’t work as well as I used to either. I guess if we’re going to play, we should play about something that matters in our lives right now.

CHATTY CATHY DOLL: Like what?

I know!

CHATTY CATHY DOLL: Uh oh.

Hear me out. I’ve been thinking about adding a little pink or purple in my hair for the past few years. But, I don’t want to bleach my hair to do it. Also, I’m wondering if I’m too old to walk around with that look.

CHATTY CATHY DOLL: So, what made you think of it now?

I just noticed L’Oreal came out with a new one-day color spray product. You can spray pink or purple in your hair and it will wash out after one shampoo! So if you don’t like it or feel foolish, one hair wash and it’s gone.

CHATTY CATHY DOLL: So do it!

Well, I’m still kind of afraid, so…

CHATTY CATHY DOLL: You want me to do it.

Pleeeease????

CHATTY CATHY DOLL: Actually, I could use a change.

I’ll tell you what. I’ll just do your bangs.

CHATTY CATHY DOLL: Deal.

Here I go…