Over the Hill on the Yellow Brick Road, around Valentine’s Day, I started thinking about ways I might continue to rekindle my sensual feelings as I grow older. I decided to discuss it with The Old Woman Who Lives in a Shoe, from the Nursery Rhyme. She had so many kids she didn’t know what to do. I figured she might have a lot to say on the subject. I’d met her once before, and at that time she mentioned she was an empty nester. So when I stopped by her shoe to chat a second time, we got right into our conversation…
So, Woman in the Shoe, I’ll be frank. After giving birth to 3,103 children with your various husbands and partners, I imagine you’ve had an incredible variety of intimate and romantic experiences.
WOMAN IN SHOE: To say the least.
But now that all your kids are adults and you’re growing older, what’s happened to your sensuality?
WOMAN IN SHOE: It’s still there.
But is it harder to find that part of yourself?
WOMAN IN SHOE: No, because I’m bringing it out in a different way. I’m drawing on my repressed teenage years.
What do you mean?
WOMAN IN SHOE: Well, back when I was a teenager, my parents were ridiculously strict when it came to boys and dating.
WOMAN IN SHOE: When I was fifteen, I was over-the-top excited because a boy asked me on a date.
I remember how that felt!
WOMAN IN SHOE: But my batshit crazy parents wouldn’t let me go. They said I couldn’t date until I was less “boy crazy.”
Are you serious?
WOMAN IN SHOE: It gets worse. When I was seventeen and finally had a boyfriend, my parents made it clear if I went to the park with a boy, I’d get pregnant. Pregnancy was also very likely if I went to the mall with a boy, a restaurant, hiking, the library, a football game, or bowling. In fact, if I looked at a boy, there was a good chance I’d conceive.
WOMAN IN SHOE: So then! When I turned eighteen and escaped from my parent’s loony bin, I went to town! I went anywhere and everywhere with boys from all over the world. Any kind of romantic or intimate moment you can imagine, I had. For years and years and years.
So that’s how you ended up with all those kids.
WOMAN IN SHOE: Exactly.
Okay, but how about NOW? Your kids are adults and you’re getting older. How do you rekindle those sensual moments at this point in your life?
WOMAN IN SHOE: I’m still filling in the gaps after living in my parent’s prison. When I was a teenager, my parents didn’t allow me to go steady. So, my current husband just gave me his ID bracelet. For the first time in my life, I’m going steady.
WOMAN IN SHOE: I highly recommend it in older age. I mean, my wedding ring represents a warm and familiar stability. But my ID bracelet is kinda hot.
When I was a teenager, my parents wouldn’t allow me to pierce my ears. Maybe after all these years, I’ll do it and buy myself a pair of elegant, dangling earrings.
WOMAN IN SHOE: I’ll take a pair too.