Over the Hill on the Yellow Brick Road, around Valentine’s Day, I started thinking about ways I might continue to rekindle my sensual feelings as I grow older. I decided to discuss it with The Old Woman Who Lives in a Shoe, from the Nursery Rhyme. She had so many kids she didn’t know what to do. I figured she might have a lot to say on the subject. I’d met her once before, and at that time she mentioned she was an empty nester. So when I stopped by her shoe to chat a second time, we got right into our conversation…
So, Woman in the Shoe, I’ll be frank. After giving birth to 3,103 children with your various husbands and partners, I imagine you’ve had an incredible variety of intimate and romantic experiences.
WOMAN IN SHOE: To say the least.
But now that all your kids are adults and you’re growing older, what’s happened to your sensuality?
WOMAN IN SHOE: It’s still there.
But is it harder to find that part of yourself?
WOMAN IN SHOE: No, because I’m bringing it out in a different way. I’m drawing on my repressed teenage years.
What do you mean?
WOMAN IN SHOE: Well, back when I was a teenager, my parents were ridiculously strict when it came to boys and dating.
How?
WOMAN IN SHOE: When I was fifteen, I was over-the-top excited because a boy asked me on a date.
I remember how that felt!
WOMAN IN SHOE: But my batshit crazy parents wouldn’t let me go. They said I couldn’t date until I was less “boy crazy.”
Are you serious?
WOMAN IN SHOE: It gets worse. When I was seventeen and finally had a boyfriend, my parents made it clear if I went to the park with a boy, I’d get pregnant. Pregnancy was also very likely if I went to the mall with a boy, a restaurant, hiking, the library, a football game, or bowling. In fact, if I looked at a boy, there was a good chance I’d conceive.
I’m speechless.
WOMAN IN SHOE: So then! When I turned eighteen and escaped from my parent’s loony bin, I went to town! I went anywhere and everywhere with boys from all over the world. Any kind of romantic or intimate moment you can imagine, I had. For years and years and years.
So that’s how you ended up with all those kids.
WOMAN IN SHOE: Exactly.
Okay, but how about NOW? Your kids are adults and you’re getting older. How do you rekindle those sensual moments at this point in your life?
WOMAN IN SHOE: I’m still filling in the gaps after living in my parent’s prison. When I was a teenager, my parents didn’t allow me to go steady. So, my current husband just gave me his ID bracelet. For the first time in my life, I’m going steady.
Aaaah.
WOMAN IN SHOE: I highly recommend it in older age. I mean, my wedding ring represents a warm and familiar stability. But my ID bracelet is kinda hot.
When I was a teenager, my parents wouldn’t allow me to pierce my ears. Maybe after all these years, I’ll do it and buy myself a pair of elegant, dangling earrings.
WOMAN IN SHOE: I’ll take a pair too.
Copyrightoverthehillontheyellowbrickroad2018
OVER THE HILL on the YELLOW BRICK ROAD 