son

Over the Hill on the Yellow Brick Road, I took a walk on a beach and noticed a sandcastle. I plopped down beside it and started a conversation.

Hey Sandcastle—

SANDCASTLE: Stop right there. Don’t talk to me.

Why not?

SANDCASTLE: You won’t want to hear what I have to say.

Because?

SANDCASTLE: I’m obsessed with death. Every time I hear a wave coming toward me, I panic. I’m always worried about when I won’t exist anymore.

Me too.

SANDCASTLE: Really?

Yes. Especially as I grow older. I try not to let my fear rise to the surface at all times, but underneath I’m always afraid.

SANDCASTLE: I have two levels of anxiety. If I hear a smaller wave rolling in, I don’t worry as much because it’s not as likely to reach me. But if the wave sounds large and roars in my direction, I have a full blown panic attack. Know what I mean?

Definitely. I worry I’ll come down with a sudden illness and my body won’t be able to fight it off. Like, right now there’s a flu epidemic in my area, so I stay at home, hide under the covers and watch the Food Network. It relaxes me. I isolate myself because I’m afraid I’ll get sick and won’t be able to get through it.

SANDCASTLE: I isolate myself, too. I won’t take on any tenants. Like snails. I turn them away. I’m not sure how long I’ll be here. At any moment, I might be gone.

Actually, you wouldn’t exactly be “gone.”

SANDCASTLE: What? Why not?

Well, before you were a sandcastle you were zillions of grains of sand on the beach. That’s how you started.

SANDCASTLE: How do you know?

Trust me on this one. Anyway, eventually somebody came along and molded you into a different form—a sandcastle.

SANDCASTLE: Your point being?

When a wave eventually washes over you—

SANDCASTLE: Don’t say that!!!!

Hear me out. When a wave eventually washes over you, you’ll go back to the form you were before—grains of sand on the beach. You’ll be back where you started, but you won’t be “gone.”

SANDCASTLE: This is blowing my mind.

Maybe the wave will even wash you into the ocean, so you’ll be part of the amazing community under the sea.

SANDCASTLE: You know… I didn’t think it was possible…but you just made me feel better. No more Prozac for me.

Good to know. It just seems there are so many answers to questions about life and our existence in nature. The answers are all around us. We just have to look for them.

SANDCASTLE: I wish I had something useful to add.

No worries.

SANDCASTLE: Wait! I just thought of something. If what you say about nature is true, maybe what goes for me can go for you. I mean, if I started in one form, morphed into another, and will go back to my original form one day…maybe the same will happen to you.

Maybe….

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As I travel Over the Hill on the Yellow Brick Road, I have to remind myself to look upward every once in a while. I never know if a house will fall from the sky and crash on top of me. Today, an actual school building fell from the heavens. Thankfully, it landed along the side of the road. Believe it or not, it was the building where my two children went to preschool! I rushed inside and found their old classroom! Though the room had been turned into a library, the old door was still there. We chatted…

Hey door? Do you remember when I used to drop my kids off in your room a million years ago?

OLD DOOR: Of course. I remember everyone who comes in and out of this place. I don’t have a lot else to do. I remember your son cried a lot when you dropped him off here at preschool.

Yeah. I remember leaving the room and then peeking through the window at the top of you to see how he was doing.

DOOR: If memory serves, he was so upset he actually had to drop out and come back the next year. He missed you terribly.

I know. Back then, I thought he would have fun in the classroom with the other kids as soon as I left. I also needed a little space for myself to live my own life. So, I played with my son in the classroom for a while…and when I thought he’d be fine without me, I’d whisper, “I have to go now.”

DOOR: And he’d wail.

Looking back, I guess he didn’t understand. It probably made no sense to him. He was probably very hurt. But eventually he dried his tears and moved on.

DOOR: On the other hand…I remember your daughter didn’t mind being dropped off here at preschool.

I know! Before I could finish saying, “I have to go now,” she was bopping over to the other kids.

DOOR: So you left, closed me behind you, and scrunched your nose up against my little window to see how your daughter was doing.

She was always having a good time. That made me very happy because I needed a little space for myself. I needed to live my own life.

DOOR: But! Your daughter always insisted on coming home for lunch. She only wanted to stay in preschool for a few hours. That was her limit.

I remember sometimes she had to stay longer because I had to work. She cried. She probably didn’t understand. I probably hurt her feelings.

DOOR: But eventually she dried her tears and moved on.

And now the tables have turned. My kids are young adults. When my daughter travels from the other side of the country for a visit, I always want her to stay longer and spend more time with me. But, at a certain point, she says, “I have to go now.”

DOOR: And your son?

He lives about an hour away. When he comes home for a visit, I soooo enjoy his company! But at a certain point, he gets up and says, “I have to go now.”

DOOR: That must be hard.

I don’t always understand. Sometimes it hurts my feelings. I miss my children terribly.

DOOR: But you dry your tears and move on.